A widow (and New Beginnings resident) describes her journey from addict to sober student, honoring the memories of her husband and her friend
Cocaine at age 16
Xanax at age 22
Heroin age 33
In January of 2017, I decided it was time for me to get clean.
I had been sober for about 11 months. Then on December 23, one of my best friends was telling me on the phone that she felt like using drugs. I heard the phone being dropped and then I couldn’t hear anything.
About an hour later, I got a call telling me she had died from an overdose.
Please Not My Husband!
I called my husband and I told him, “Don’t ever let me get a phone call like that about you! I love you so much and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He told me not to be silly, that he was done with ‘that stuff’ and that he loved me forever.
He was found dead a few hours later from a drug overdose.
I felt as if my whole world had just ended.
I was so angry with God, and for the first time in my life I questioned my faith. I managed to stay clean through the funeral but not long after, I relapsed.
This time I went all out, and was homeless within a couple of months. I just didn’t care anymore.
Eventually I realized I wanted my life back, and I wanted to honor the memories of my friend and my husband. I went to detox and I arrived here at New Beginnings on December 31, 2018.
Ending My Addiction
My family tells me that they see a change in me that they didn’t even see the FIRST time I got clean, and they really think I finally got it this time.
This is something I can only contribute to God, because I know I couldn’t do this on my own.
What I have been through could maybe help other women or addicts to get clean or, better yet, not pick up drugs in the first place.
I have learned so much here at New Beginnings, and one of the most important things is that I am healing my relationship with God. I am becoming the woman He intended me to be, which I know for sure was NOT a homeless drug addict.
Why This Time Is Different
I have attended trauma counseling which has helped me tremendously with the grieving process. I have a habit of not talking about the things that hurt the most. Slowly but surely, I’m realizing that its OK to let it out and that if I start to cry, it will not last forever, which was a very real fear of mine.
I have a sponsor and am working the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous, and I have learned so much about the Bible.
I also attended life skills classes at New Beginnings and I learned a lot there too.
It makes me feel good to have learned that I am more resilient and stronger than I thought, and I am going to carry these traits through to my recovery.
Planning My Future
As far as work and education, I am meeting with Connie, a New Beginnings volunteer tutor once a week and when I am up to par, I am going to start taking GED classes and get my GED. I would love to do something in the medical field.
Until such times, I would like to get a job and start saving my money. I want to get my driver’s license back and in the future, secure a stable place to live.
I have found a purpose and the light at the end of the tunnel.
I have gotten closer to God.
I have found me again.